Blessings

Today was a difficult day for me.  My body has been changing and I've been feeling a little "off", so I thought for sure I was pregnant.  I was going to take a test on Mother's Day, but I didn't want to be disappointed on that day, just in case.  So I decided to test this morning, but the pregnancy test came out negative.  I'm not going to lie, I was pretty heartbroken.  I cried.  I questioned God.  But really, who am I to question God?  I truly believe that if we are to have more biological children, it will be in God's perfect timing.  I just have to remind myself that His timing and my timing might not exactly be the same.  I was reminded of these verses today:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

~ Romans 8:28

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in You I trust.

~Psalm 25:1-2a

And I was reminded of this song by Laura Story:

I also found this song by John Waller, which pretty much sums up my life right now:

I hope that you take the time to view both of these videos and that you take the lyrics to heart.  I hope that they touch your life like they've touched mine.

Darin knew it would be a hard day for me, so he made it special.  My father-in-law was with Jonathan and me this morning while Darin was at work, which was a fun distraction.  Then I went to a ladies event at my church, which included a "wacky" fashion show (their term, not mine) that made me laugh like crazy.  The luncheon that followed was a great time of fellowship with the ladies.  Getting peed on by Jonathan at the luncheon was also a "highlight" of the day.

While Jonathan took a nap (Darin was still at the church), I busied myself with cleaning the garage, which was no small task.  When Darin got home we enjoyed family time together, which included playing baseball in the house and using vacuum cleaner parts as "guitars" to play along with Peter Frampton.  (I know, I know, you're thinking that we lead very exciting lives.  You're right.)  :O)

Darin thought it would be nice to get out of the house for a bit, so we decided to take Jonathan to Veteran's Park.  It was refreshing to see him running around, grinning all the while, especially since he's been so sick lately.  At one point, Darin looked at me and said, "We truly are blessed."  He's so right.  

It's hard to "see the rainbow through the clouds" sometimes, but when I'm reminded of all the people and things (job, house, food, etc.) in my life, I am reminded of God's blessings.  I'm content with the "things" in my life, but I'm still working on the contentment part that involves growing our family.  When I have "sad" days like this, I often remember something someone once said in regards to waiting for more children: "Love the ones God has placed before you."  That's the easy part: I have an indescribable amount of love for Jonathan, so I can easily love him, the one that God has placed before me.  Thinking of that simple statement does wonders for my heart.

We also enjoyed dinner at LaRosa's and brought home ice cream from UDF for dessert.  Family devotions were on the porch tonight, which was an extra special treat for Jonathan (along with a purple popsicle instead of ice cream).  

Here are some pictures from my bad-day-turned-good, along with some other recent pictures that remind me of just how blessed I truly am.  Enjoy!

See that smiley face in the bottom left-hand corner?  My kid drew that.  :O)

Here's my little artist at work.

"I'm stuck!"

Jackpot!  Patrick-playing-a-guitar underwear!

The homemade vases filled with beautiful flowers for the neighbors that helped Jonathan.

Excited to deliver the flowers!

First treat from an ice cream truck - Spiderman!

Climbing Mount Laundry in search of clothies.

See?  This is how he uses his clothies.

My big boy!

"Can I play with Laythan's guitar please, Mommy?"

Jammin'!

Handsome dude.

Reading with Papa Terry.

Checkin' out Papa's motorcycle.

A great big hug before Papa left to "go see Grandma Jeank."

"Nice hit!" (He compliments himself often.)

Playing soccer with Daddy.

"Wanna race?"

Racing for the soccer ball.

Laughing like crazy on the swings.

A happy face from my little man.  He's such a blessing.

Crazy Kid - He's All Better!!!

No words are needed to describe this video!

Stork Part II

Don't freak out, we're not pregnant (yet)! 

I have wanted to adopt a child since I was very young.  In college, a friend and I shared our dreams of adopting a child (or two!) someday.  When Darin and I first met, we talked about how we'd like to expand our family (yes, I'm saying "met" because we met, dated, got engaged, and married within 7.5 months...so that conversation came about early on).  We had the same dream then - to have biological children and to adopt internationally - and we still do.  Although the place we would like to adopt from has changed a few times (China, Korea, Cambodia, Uganda), our desire to adopt has not changed.  We have finally decided to adopt from (drum roll, please)...

UGANDA!!!

Picture from Wikipedia

There are over 144 million children in the world that need a mommy and a daddy, and God has placed it on our hearts to help one (or two!) by inviting him/her/them into our families; into our hearts and lives forever.  We are so incredibly excited to be on this journey.  And, yet, at the same time, we are curious as to how our families and friends will react when we bring home a child (or children!) with a different skin color, different background, etc.  We've already gotten this "advice" from a number of people that we love: "That sounds nice, but don't you think you should adopt a child from the US?  You know, one with white skin that looks like you?"  Frustrating, right?  Even worse, it's sad that people still think this way.  At this point, all we can do is pray that God will open their hearts; that He will help them see past something as trivial as skin color, and help them to see the heart of a very young and innocent child...and fall in love. 

This journey will be long, but in the end (or should I say, "beginning"), it will all be worth it.  Our time frame is three years.  Three years to raise support (because we refuse to go into debt bringing a child home - it wouldn't be wise to have another mouth to feed, along with another loan).  Three years to begin the adoption process.  Three years to pray for our child (or children!) and his/her mom and dad.  Three years to dream (and believe me, we're definitely dreaming of the adventure that awaits us!).  Three years to pray for our loved ones, both family and friends, to accept support our decision.  This is going to be a long three years!

"Why three years?", you may ask.  Well, Darin and I have committed to the Mission Forward ministry at our church (you can read more about that here), which happens to be a three-year campaign.  Before we made our financial commitment, we were ready to adopt.  Like fill-out-the-application-and-sign-on-the-dotted-line kind of ready.  But then I read about Abraham and Isaac in Genesis, which is certainly nothing new for me.  This time, however, the story took on a whole new meaning, though I didn't readily admit it until a few weeks later.  

Darin and I had agreed to think and pray about our commitment to the campaign separately, and then we agreed on a night to talk about how much we should give and what we should sacrifice.  On the night that we had planned to discuss our thoughts about our commitment, Darin came home from work looking very solemn.  He said that he had been reading about Abraham and Isaac (coincidence?  I don't think so...that was totally a God thing), and the sacrifice that God called Abraham to make was his son, Isaac.  Abraham didn't know at the time, but God really just wanted to see if he trusted Him and would be obedient.  (I'm sure most of you know how the rest of the story goes, but if not, you can read more about it here.  I'd also encourage you to check out this article after reading the scripture in Genesis 22.)  Darin said that he felt that, after much prayer and meditation on God's Word, that we were to sacrifice our plans to adopt for the present time.  WHAT?  Did I hear him correctly?!?!  Yes, indeed.  (This is where the part comes in...the one where I didn't want to admit to Darin that I had felt the same thing a few weeks prior.  I'm stubborn.  I know it.  I'm working on it.)  We both cried for a long time.  Then I went to Jonathan's room, scooped him up out of his crib, cradled him in my arms, and rocked him.  And cried.  And prayed.  I was emotionally drained when I left Jonathan's room.  I went straight to bed and cried out to God, saying, "Why, God?"  The response was immediate, as if God was right in the room with me, "So that I might be glorified."  To which I retorted, "Well, why ME?"  Again, God's reply was swift, but kind, "Why not you?"  I didn't need to question God after that.  I understood his message loud and clear.  This is our time of waiting and hoping and praying for our child (really, I'm hoping that's children).  This is our sacrifice.  A real and true sacrifice.  Sacrifice is different for everyone...and this one is ours.  While it's extremely painful, it's what God has called us to do.  In the process, we're hoping that He might be glorified.

So, three years is our time frame.  However, we also know that our God is bigger than a time frame, and that our ways are not necessarily His ways.  We are flexible.  We know that God could bring about the adoption sooner, rather than later.  We also know that this process may take longer than three years.  If we are able to financially honor our commitment to our church, and somehow save enough money to adopt before the three-year window is up, we will be ecstatic.  For now, though, we're being realistic and taking one day at a time.  All the while, we're praying and planning. 

We've announced to Jonathan that we will be traveling by airplane (well, probably quite a few airplanes) to Uganda to bring home a baby or two.  (Yes, he'll be traveling with us.  We will have to stay in Uganda for five weeks or so, and we want him to be with us so that he can bond with his sibling(s), and because we might go crazy being away from him for such a long time!)  He's really excited, and sometimes he asks if we can get on the airplane now.  He has also offered his opinion on the matter: NO GIRLS.  He wants a brother or brothers.  Too bad, kid.  I love you to pieces, but you may not get your wish!  We haven't decided on a gender, so we'll be praying about that, too!

Would you please pray for us as we embark on this journey?  And remember: God is good.