Life Lately

Jonathan is enjoying preschool and is learning more and more, thanks to his awesome teacher!  He has quite an extensive sight word vocabulary, and is able to read short books.  He is also able to write his letters. He does have difficulty cutting (he really doesn't like cutting circles, "please don't make me cut a circle!").  He has not chosen a dominant hand yet, and he frequently switches back and forth between hands when coloring, cutting, and writing.  Let's just say that fine motor is an area of weakness for our little guy. 


Jonathan is also enjoying his tae-kwon-do class.  When asked about his class, he says, "I love it!"  He is working hard to follow directions during class and learn all of the routines.  He knows what to say when he bows and he does a nice job paying attention when stretching.  The line rotation is difficult for him, and the "no talking" part is a huge struggle for our chatty boy.  At last night's lesson, he raised his hand during stretching, and when called upon, he said, "I have three grandmas," and then proceeded to tell a story.  His instructors have a hard time getting him to stop talking because they are busy trying not to laugh at his random stories. :O)


Owen is growing rapidly.  At 13 months, he says: dada, mama, plea (please), puppy, pig, piggy, and nigh-nigh (night-night).  He is a fantastic eater and loves strawberries, apples, pineapple, and especially watermelon.  He also loves cheesy broccoli and sweet potatoes.  He is definitely my dad's grandson because he LOVES meat.  Owen is not yet walking, but he can stand on his own for 30-45 seconds at a time.  He is just not interested in walking right now.  He can get places faster by crawling or being carried (which he definitely prefers).  He is a little snuggle bug and wants to be held as much as possible.  I will admit, this can be a bit frustrating because it's difficult to get things done one handed, but I know that this phase will pass all too soon and I will miss my snuggly little boy.  Owen's favorite toys are balls, birds, and light sabers.  He also loves to knock down towers and throw things on the floor to clear surfaces. 


This move has been so great for our family.  We are fortunate to have more room and a backyard.  I love being able to walk outside and into a backyard where the boys can play.  However, if we see our neighbors (and close friends) outside, Jonathan will immediately ask to go play with them.  A part of me is thrilled that Jonathan has friends and wants to play with them.  He's growing up, and that's part of life.  The other part of me is sad because our family time is limited.  It's a new phase of life and an adjustment, but it's a good one.  The best part of it is that Jonathan's face lights up when his buddy Owen comes over and asks him to play.  It's awesome.


We are enjoying our new church and making lots of new friends.  Our small group is amazing and close friendships are forming.  I am enjoying teaching Bible on a quarterly basis to the 2's - 3's and 4's - 5's classes.  I am also the Special Needs Ministry Team Leader.  Both roles keep me busy and involved, and I love it.  Darin loves working with his best friend from college.  He is still leading worship, and is also heading up the outreach ministry.  This is a new role for him, and he loves it.  He has such a servant's heart, and loves that he is able to use the gifts that God has given him.


My 7th year of teaching is coming to a close in a little over a month.  I am torn because I absolutely love this group of kids (I think I say that every year), but am excited for summer because I really want to be able to spend more time with my OWN kids.  It is almost a daily struggle in my mind and heart to leave my kids to teach someone else's.  But at the end of the day, it's so worth it.  I am content with my position at school, and will continue working with 6th grade students next year.  I love my co-workers and am very thankful for my job.

My "Secret" Guilt

I will return to work in less than a week on Thursday, August 29th.  Owen will be exactly five months old that day.  This maternity leave has been incredible.  Because of the timing of his birth, and the fact that I had a c-section, I was able to take off work (paid!) for the remainder of the school year.  Those eight weeks, coupled with the extra long summer our district had due to building renovations, equal five entire months of healing and fun with my sons.  Spoiled, I know.  And extremely thankful for this time with my boys. 

Alas, the summer is nearing an end and fall is looming.  Jonathan will start preschool on September 3rd, and I will being my 7th year of teaching.  We have prayerfully decided upon homeschooling for Jonathan for his first year of preschool.  Back in July, we toured a preschool.  Jonathan did not really interact with the other children; he chose to play by himself and he also sat on the ground and asked for his friend Chase from his previous sitter (whom he would still be going to if we had not relocated).  Obviously, I was concerned about Jonathan.  He has always been with a sitter with just a few other kids, and he seemed overwhelmed by the large number of children that would be in his class.  God put it on my heart to ask a friend if she might homeschool him for the school year, and also watch Owen.  Well, our God is amazing (duh), and put the same calling on my friend's heart, so she will be homeschooling her boys plus Jonathan, and also loving on Owen all day.  It is so difficult to leave my boys, but knowing that they are in a Christian home gives me peace.

On to my "secret" guilt.  Each year of returning to work since having Jonathan has been a struggle.  I desperately want to be a stay-at-home mom.  However, I also desperately want to teach.  Unfortunately, I can not fulfill both roles at the same time.  Being a teacher allows me to do both...kind of.  During the summers, I enjoy being with my boys all day every day.  During the school year, I get to impact the lives of children who need to be loved and taught not only academics, but life skills.  But each year I feel guilty for working.  I feel guilty for leaving my boys each day in order to work with other children.  And sometimes I'm just plain angry.  Because there are people in my life who think that it is selfish for moms to work outside of the home.  Sometimes words hurt...deeply.  And the guilt worsens.  One lady even said that stay-at-home moms have their priorities straight, implying that working moms do not.  And so I feel guilty for working.  I know that I shouldn't.  I know that God has called me to be a teacher and a mom.  I am reminded of the calling that God has placed on my life each year when I am able to help students realize their full potential.  Sometimes I am reminded of my calling by the students that have asked me to adopt them.  It's in their smiles.  It's in their hard work.  It's in their acts of kindness toward one another.  It's in their gratefulness.  It's in their tears as I strive to help them work through difficulties in their lives.  So then, why should I feel guilty for teaching?  Maybe it's because I'm not able to impact the lives of my own children during the day.  Maybe it's because I allow the opinions of others to make me feel like less of a mom for working outside of the home. 

The point of this post is that, yes, I feel guilty for being a working mom.  But it's also that I want working moms to feel empowered for making an impact in their workplace.  And I want stay-at-home moms to encourage working moms.  To let them know that it's OK that they are not at home all day with their children.  Because God doesn't call every mom to stay at home.  He needs moms to be in the workplace, blessing and encouraging others.  And he also needs moms to be at home with their children.  So whatever role God has placed upon your life, be encouraged that you are in the right place.  Be encouraged that God is going to use you whether it is at home or at work.  Wherever God calls you to do, be obedient.  And try not to feel guilty for fulfilling that calling.  Rather, look for opportunities to bless others through your circumstances.  I am going to try to take my own advice.  :O)

School's Out for Summer!

Yahoo!  I am so incredibly excited (and relieved) that this school year is behind me.  For those of you who know me well, this has been the worst school year of my career.  I know that I complained a lot about my workload and some extremely difficult students over the course of the school year, and for that, I apologize.  Just so you know, there were many high points, too.  I think I'll share a few with you:

1.  Two students were identified as students with learning disabilities, and were finally able to start receiving much-needed services.
2.  Both of the aforementioned students gained confidence and made significant progress.
3.  I worked with some amazing parents that were encouraging and supportive.
4.  Most of the students on my caseload were hardworking and helpful.
5.  I almost literally peed my pants laughing over some of the crazy antics of my students.  I'm not kidding; I   have never laughed so hard or so much in my life.  These kiddos were awesome - "Midget Power!!!"
6.  I gained some confidence and started sharing my opinion more - big step!
7.  My co-worker and I "divorced" and I moved into my own room.  Although it was sad to leave my buddy, it was nice to have my own room.  (We split amicably...no worries).  :O)
8.  My Skills for Adolescents (SFA) class became a "family" group, and the students grew closer to each other.  They are far from perfect, but I believe they took many lessons to heart.
9.  My SFA family made wreaths for residents at a local nursing home for Christmas, and two of my students helped deliver them to the residents and got to see the direct impact of their kindness and hardwork.
10. One of the students that I taught in 6th grade just completed 8th grade.  I have loved watching him learn and grow, and I am so proud of the progress that he has made.  He came to visit me during lunch nearly everyday (even though he was no longer a student of mine) and shared "Brain Pop" videos with me (he has Autism, and I was kind of "written" into his daily routine).  I gave him a card and a gift today, and when he read the card, he said it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him.  
11. And finally, I feel as if I truly made an impact in the lives of some of my students.  It would be naive of me to think that I can have a positive influence on all of my students; if I can make an impact in the life of one student, then I consider it a successful school year.  Through the kind words that were shared with me, the lunch visits, the progress some of my students made, and through the beautiful smiles and laughter, I know that this school year was successful.

OK, so that was more than a few, but I wanted to share some of the positive events that occurred throughout the school year.  I am so looking forward to spending the summer with my sweet little boy.