Notice that the title of this post is "Finding Contentment"...not "Contentment Found," meaning that this is a work in progress....
Lately, I have been struggling with finding true contentment in my life. I feel like I'm living in the future, rather than in the present. And frankly, it's not much fun. Here are some examples:
- Our home is wonderful; better than I ever imagined. However, it's on the market (for 13+ months now), and I'm just not comfortable living here. I have boxes stored at my dad's house and boxes stored in my garage, and I'm hesitant to paint or hang anything on the walls. I just can't settle in here, knowing that we're selling our home (or at least trying to).
- I want to grow my family, but it just hasn't happened, yet. I'm extremely blessed and honored to be raising such a joyful, humorous, and kindhearted little boy. I absolutely love watching him run, play, laugh, sing, and pray. I am definitely finding contentment in this area as I just enjoy being a mother of one. This is a very special phase in my life, and I am thoroughly enjoying every moment,
minus the tantrums and rolling-of-the-eyes.
- As a teacher, I am fulfilling a dream that I've had since the 2nd grade. I'm trying to teach my students how to treat others with respect and teach them to have a strong work ethic in order to prepare them to be contributing members of society (all this on top of trying to help them experience success academically)! Believe me, it's not easy. On top of the behavior and academic concerns, there are students that are living with grandparents and aunts and uncles because their parents have passed away, are unfit, or are incarcerated. I love teaching, and I hope that I am making at least a tiny positive impact in the lives of my students. However, I am burdened with guilt over the fact that while I'm
babysitting/parenting teaching my students, my son is with another family...and not me. It's hard to leave everyday when Jonathan is begging me to sit and play with him. I want to be a stay-at-home mom, and after working in the public school system I want to learn more about homeschooling.
I'm not content. I'm living in the future, in my dreamworld, and it's making me crazy. On our family walk tonight, Darin and I talked about our discontentment, and how we feel that God is trying to teach us that we are trying to find joy in "things", rather than in Him. That if we just _______________, we'll be happy. I've seen this lifestyle before, demonstrated by materialistic people who are never satisfied because once they get something, they want something else. The cycle never ends, and these people fill their lives with "things," but they are never truly happy. We're definitely not in the same category as that. We're not consuming "things"; we're just in a period of waiting, and our waiting is causing discontentment. True contentment for our family would be understanding God's will for our lives; not just being satisfied. And that's what everything in my list boils down to: understanding God's will: Move/Stay put; One child/More children; Teach/Stay-at-home mom.
I am going to choose to be happy, in spite of life's circumstances. I am truly going to count my blessings because I am blessed beyond measure, and I don't thank God enough for His provision in my life. I challenge my readers to do the same: thank God for all of your blessings...it will make you happier just thinking of all of the wonderful people and things in your life!
Check out this
article on contentment from Focus on the Family, and please be in prayer for our family as we adjust our attitudes and mindsets to be centered on God's will, rather than on our own will.
